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Free advice for the masses!
Fresh from the Psychotic Advisor's Mailbag.
July 4th, 2009
The Psychotic Advisor Advises the President!
 Psychotic --
This weekend, our family will join millions of others in celebrating America. We will enjoy
the glow of fireworks, the taste of barbeque, and the company of good friends. As we all celebrate this weekend, let's also
remember the remarkable story that led to this day.
Two hundred and thirty-three years ago, our nation was born when a courageous group of patriots
pledged their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to the proposition that all of us were created equal.
Our country began as a unique experiment in liberty -- a bold, evolving quest to achieve a
more perfect union. And in every generation, another courageous group of patriots has taken us one step closer to fully realizing
the dream our founders enshrined on that great day.
Today, all Americans have a hard-fought birthright to a freedom which enables each of us,
no matter our views or background, to help set our nation's course. America's greatness has always depended on her citizens
embracing that freedom -- and fulfilling the duty that comes with it.
As free people, we must each take the challenges and opportunities that face this nation as
our own. As long as some Americans still must struggle, none of us can be fully content. And as America comes ever closer
to achieving the perfect Union our founders dreamed, that triumph -- that pride -- belongs to all of us.
So today is a day to reflect on our independence, and the sacrifice of our troops standing
in harm's way to preserve and protect it. It is a day to celebrate all that America is. And today is a time to aspire toward
all we can still become.
With very best wishes,
President Barack Obama
July 4th, 2009
P.S. -- Our nation's birthday is also an ideal time to consider serving in your local
community. You can find many great ideas for service opportunities near you at http://www.serve.gov.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you so much for this Independence Day greeting. It means alot to
me. Let me extend my warmest wishes to you and your family as well, and assure you that I am indeed keeping our independence
firmly in mind, that I am doing what I can to support our troops both at home and abroad, and volunteering in my community
to the best of my ability.
Let me also urge you to consider making a new commitment to United States independence,
by exploring new ways and means to harvest and distribute energy, by engaging in new, exciting and better models to improve
education for both our youth, and our adult population, and perhaps most importantly, to restore the United
States sovereignty by taking advantage of our constitutional right to print and distribute United States currency without
depending on the high interest loans of the World Bank or the Federal Reserve. It is this arcane system of money mismanagement
that has enslaved us and brought us to the brink of ruin. Without seizing control of our own vital resources, and protecting
our country from the greed of globalists, our beautiful country will fall prey to the evil forces of bankers and bean counters.
Show your support of independence, Mr. President, by sending the strongest message a President could possibly
send. Send the message that greed is not good, when it is at the expense of those less fortunate. Send the message
that the people of the United States will not stand by and idly accept becoming wage slaves for the elite, or worse, suffer
from abject poverty in the face of outrageously rampant unemployment. Let the World Bank know that (as Howard Beale so succinctly
voiced in Network) we're mad as hell, and we're not going to take it anymore! Show us your independence, Mr. President,
and start the printing presses rolling!
Enjoy your Fourth of July celebration, and know that I support
you.
Sincerest regards,
The Psychotic Advisor
Q
Dear Psychotic Advisor,
Please help me. I am a boring person. I graduated from Dulles High
School and then moved to Duluth. Everybody I know has something to talk about except me. I don't go to parties because even
if somebody actually did invite me, I would never think of anything to say. How can I learn to become a fascinating conversationalist
like you?
Sincerely, The Dullard in Duluth.
A
Dear Double Dull,
Fear not for there is hope. Even the Psychotic Advisor was once a dull and boring person. There are many resources
out there to help, including some fine books by Dale Carnegie and Earl Nightengale. However, I'm going to let you in on a
little secret that has not yet been introduced to the public. The Psychotic Advisor Command Center is now ready for Beta Testing,
and you will be our first victim! (I mean beta tester.) You can access the Command Center from anywhere on the Psychotic Advisor
website, just by scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking on the little c with the circle around it in our copyright.
That's right, it's been hiding there in plain sight this whole time. Most people just aren't that observant, and those who
are should be prime candidates for recruitment into the Psychotic Observation League. Our writing staff and the Psychotic
Advisor himself use the Command Center as a home page and reference library, because it puts you right in the center of the
internet, keeping your finger on the pulse of the entire planet. It is now available to the average user, free of charge.
(Just another public service of the Psychotic Advisor Media Empire. You are under no obligation to send feedback information,
but we would love to hear from you just to see how you're doing and if you can think of ways we might improve the Command
Center.) By visiting just a few sites from the Command Center each day, your head will be so full of information your brain
might explode. Then you'll have plenty to talk about! Now get back to those parties!
Sincerely, The Psychotic Advisor
Recently the Psychotic Advisor received
an important email that has touched him deeply, has tugged at his heartstrings, and is extremely relevant to an issue he feels
very strongly about:
Dear Sir,
I am a mental health care professional who has been
working as an advocate for mentally handicapped people for many years. The reason I am writing to you is because I have come
across your web site, and I take offense at your use of the term psychotic in promoting the site and other media. I would
like to implore you to stop making fun of handicapped individuals in this manner. Mental illness, including psychosis, is
not a laughing matter, and you should not use the term in such a derogatory and belittling way. Although what you are doing
is not against the law, it should be, because it is a type of hate crime directed at a portion of the population who may not
have the means to defend themselves. You would not make fun of other types of handicaps, so please cease any further references
to mental illness in your literature and stop the unfair ridicule of these people.
Sincerely,
Dr. Lauren Vitrayal, Phd
Coalition
for Fair Minded Treatment of the Mentally Challenged.
The Psychotic Advisor's reponse:
Dear Dr. Vitrayal,
Many thanks for bringing up this delicate and worthy issue. The world would be a better place if there
were more compassionate people who, like yourself, stand up for what they believe, and who defend the downtrodden as you have
done.
I must disagree with you on several points however, and I will respectfully address each one. Please do
not view these disagreements as an attack on your integrity or an assault of your character. I wholeheartedly believe you
are a good person, with your heart in the right place, and you have been kind enough to question my motives in a reasonable
and civilized tone. I commend you for your opinion. With that in mind, please allow me to give you some information that might
enlighten you.
First, I never make fun of mentally handicapped people. On the contrary. I only make fun of the so-called
normal people in our society. I hold mentally challenged individuals, including myself, in high esteem. I take my Psychosis
very seriously. I believe Psychosis is a gift from God. Here's something to ponder: Psychosis cannot be taught, but it can
be learned. I am proud to say, I might have been born this way, but I think for the most part, it was a learned behavior.
They don't call it "touched" for nothing. In olden times, Psychotic people were called "touched," and this implied "touched
in the head by the Hand of God!" I feel as though I am one of the Chosen. Hand selected by a Higher Authority to view life
through a different lens.
You might have read on my web site that I have never been diagnosed by any medical professional as a true
Psychotic. This isn't because I am not truly Psychotic. This is because I have absolutely no desire to seek a cure.
Look around you at at all the people who suffer through the mundane, dreary existence of their pretentious so-called sanity.
Do you really think their world is sane?
Do you honestly think I would want to live like that? No, I tell you, not in a million years! So with
all due respect to your profession, please keep your Prozac, your Xanex, your Valiums, your Thorazine, your Lithium and Librium,
your Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors, and any other passion-numbing chemicals you might have in your entire pharmacopia, keep
them all I say, and allow me to experience the full range of my emotions, whether they be up or down, happy or depressed.
Let me revel in my delusions and my dementia; let me dwell in the land of flights of fancy and aberrations. This is where
I feel most at home.
I embrace my Psychosis. I wear it proudly like a badge of honor. I have lived a long and sometimes difficult
life, so I have earned it as one of my basic human rights.
Let me ask you this question: What legacy do sane people leave behind? None. The greatest contributions
to Science, Culture and Human Evolution have been left, not by the sane and rational, but by the deranged and dysfunctional.
In my so-called illness, I stand shoulder to shoulder with the greatest minds of all time; Sigmund Freud, Nikola Tesla, Jonathan
Winters. These and others like them are my heroes! They are Pioneers of Psychosis! They have paved the way for me because
they have forged ahead through the wilderness of wackiness.
In reference to my literature, you may call it what you will, whether it be ridicule, derision, disdain,
mockery, insult, contempt, or derogatory hate speech, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is honor, and reverence,
and pride. I treat my fellow Psychotics with veneration. I applaud them.
So to summarize, Dr. Vitrayal, please let me say this for the record: Yes I'm Crazy, and I'm DAMN proud
of it too!
Sincerely,
The Psychotic Advisor
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