Make your own free website on


Welcome, seeker of wisdom!
Site Index
Ask the Psychotic
Juke Box
Psychotic Galleries
Don't Click Here

By way of introduction, The Psychotic Advisor is the founder of the International Neurotic Media Empire and Animal Shelter. He is the leader of the Great Why Botherhood, a semiretired superhero, apolitical pundit, national insecurity specialist, apathy advocate, celebrity misinformation advisor, lifelessness coach, motivational deprogrammer, anti-corporate shill thrill killer, and media consultant.
He also produces a line of hand signed, limited edition giclée prints.








To check on availability or to see more, click here.

Help! The President is Stalking ME!
Read the shocking story of how an innocent email from the President
has turned into a dreadful nightmare.
(Click on the picture of the President to read the latest article from The Psychotic Advisor.)


The Psychotic Advisor Presents
The Last Self Help Book
My esteemed colleague, The Retro Doctor
has finally published his 
categorically conclusive compendium
of self-improvement.
Within these pages lie the answers
to each and every annoying problem life serves up
and that's the truth. - The Retro Doctor
The Psychotic Advisor is on flickr.
You can now follow the weekly observations of The Psychotic Advisor on flickr.
Pictured Below:
Your basic rainbow in a box.
Manufactured by the Acme Rainbow Company,
Hong Kong
You can view his flickr photostream here.
The Psychotic Advisor has also started a new group within the flickr community called Macro and Cheese. If you have a camera (the cheesier the better) you should join!
Click any of the pics (above) and follow the instructions to join Macro and Cheese!
Who Says Marsupials Have No Table Manners?
You must see this touching documentary!
And This Touching Documentary!
It has clowns, it has cute, giggling little French girls spraying each other with Mentos and Diet Coke!
It has zombies!
It has English subtitles!
It has the personal endorsement of the Psychotic Advisor!
What's not to love about it?
What is the Psychotic Advisor?
The Psychotic Advisor is an actual human being who gives advice.
(It's also the name of this website)


Is it safe?
That depends on what you mean. The website is safe and malware free.
The Psychotic Advisor loathes malware, and is a member of STOPbadware dot org.
 The Psychotic Advisor also loathes spam.
He will never give (or sell) your email address to any other parties ever!
Not even members of his staff! Not even to his own mother!
All inquiries are kept strictly confidential unless you give your permission for publication.
Even then, your identity and your email address are carefully guarded.
The advice he gives is definitely not safe, and you are discouraged from actually following his advice!

Then why should I ask for his advice?
(Why indeed?) Because you're a grownup. You're capable of making your own decisions. You shouldn't smoke either, but millions of people do. You shouldn't cheat on your taxes, but millions of people do.
If nothing else, advice from a psychotic will give you a different perspective.

Does he really answer all of his email?
With the exception of the three "AMS," yes.
(All spams, scams and slams should be
All serious and sincere inquiries will be answered eventually.
(Joe Biden and Doctor Phil are not affiliated with the Psychotic Advisor)

Is it free?

Most of the time it is. Sometimes lengthy, personal consultations may require a modest payment, but you will never encounter hidden fees or be charged without your knowledge and permission.

How does he make any money at it?

He doesn't. Even in today's ruthlessly greedy environment, it's comforting to know that some people still do things in the spirit of public service. The Psychotic Advisor does have a real job that supports his lavish lifestyle, but he loves to get email, and loves to offer advice when he hears from you.

Is the Psychotic Advisor really psychotic?

Although the Psychotic Advisor has never been officially diagnosed by any medical professional, those who know him best have no doubt. In the words of Krishnamurti, "It is no sign of good health to be well-adjusted to a sick society." If this is true, then the Psychotic Advisor might very well be the sanest man on Earth!

How do I get started? 

Also from The Psychotic Advisor's Mailbag!
A surfer of the astral and gastronomic plane of the internets writes:
Dear Psychotic Advisor,
What do you think of the symbolism of the cheshire cat in Alice In Wonderland?
And this is what the old windbag... er I mean... the boss, wrote back.
Dear DiM3nS1A,
I absolutely love your name. I could say it a thousand times. DiM3nS1A DiM3nS1A DiM3nS1A DiM3nS1A DiM3nS1A... Well, you get the idea. The symbolism of the Cheshire Cat? What a fascinating question. I'm utterly delighted that you asked.
Actually you had asked what I think of the sybolism of the Cheshire Cat, and to be quite honest, until you asked, I had never thought about the symbolism of the Cheshire Cat. Not once, ever in my entire life. I now find myself questioning why I have never thought of the symbolism of the Cheshire Cat, and it just might be, because I'm male and therefore not as interested in Alice's adventures as those in the female demographic. That sounds terribly sexist of me, but it's only a speculative conjecture.
Now that you have forced me out of my cerebral slumber to ponder the symbolism of the Cheshire Cat, I would have to say that,
a.) It is analagous to the simile of the smile carved on the bullet by the protagonist of Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury because it completely disarms the villain.
b.) It is perhaps symbolic of the sublime paradox of reality because, as Alice puts it, "I have often seen a cat without a grin but never a grin without a cat." (Very similar to the expression "The tail wagging the dog" as a means of expressing an inconsequential thing taking too much of the focus away from the big picture.)
c.) As an interesting sidenote; "Grinning like a Cheshire Cat," was already an expression in common use before Lewis Carroll popularized it. It has several possible origins. The one I like best is the possibility that a type of cheese sold in Cheshire was molded to look like a grinning cat, and people ate the tail end first, thereby leaving the grin to be eaten last. Thus, old Lewis might have simply been making the whole thing up off the top of his head while he was cutting the cheese to amuse Alice.
I'm certain however that on that day, 'twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe.

I hope this answers the question to your satisfaction, and I thank you for asking it. It really made me ponder.
I hope you enjoyed visiting the website, and come back again very soon. Great to make your acquaintance.
Sincerest regards,
The Psychotic Advisor his bad self.

What's your story?
The Psychotic Advisor is pleased to introduce this brand new feature!
You know you've got one!
Go ahead, get it off your chest. Rant about it. Make us laugh! Make us cry!
We want to publish it right here so we can all laugh and cry together.
Change the names to protect the innocent... or not... and send your story today.

This website is undergoing another massive reconstruction phase.
The Psychotic Advisor will continue to answer all emails and provide free advice on any topic. Thanks for your continued loyalty and your patient understanding while we work diligently behind the scenes to make this a truly remarkable place to visit.

You are strongly advised not to follow my advice!
-The Psychotic Advisor's motto.
Although the Psychotic Advisor does actually exist and he is not a fictitious character, the persona that he portrays for entertainment purposes and for the purpose of this website, as well as in other media, is fictitious, and any resemblance to the actual, living, breathing Psychotic Advisor is purely coincidental. It should also be strongly noted that the humor written for this website is presented strictly in the interest of entertainment, satire, farce and parody. No harm or offense is intended and we hope the targets of the jokes have a good sense of humor about themselves. Some of the content, artwork, photos, entries and articles attributed to the Psychotic Advisor are authored or created by ghost writers and other members of the Psychotic Advisor creative department. Some content might be included under the Fair Use Doctrine of the United States. It should also be stated that it is not the Psychotic Advisor's intent to condone crimes of any nature, and readers are encouraged to excercise sound judgement and refrain from taking anything in the pages of this web site seriously. The Psychotic Advisor does not advocate drug use or alcohol abuse. The artists and performers who contribute to this website are professionals and you should not attempt to perform any of these stunts yourself. Furthermore, please don't encourage or allow kids to read this stuff. The world is confusing enough for them already. Mark Twain, Doctor Phil, Pope Benedict XVI, and Oprah Winfrey are not affiliated with the Psychotic Advisor. Barack Obama has not approved nor endorsed this message. One final footnote. There is some guy on Youtube who calls himself the PSYCHotIC ADVISOR. Although imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and we appreciate his efforts at paying tribute to the Psychotic Advisor, he is not the genuine article. There is only one Certified Psychotic Advisor, and he isn't it. Accept no substitutes.
No computers were harmed in the creation of this website.

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain
©2009 the Psychotic Advisor